I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
