Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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