I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
