I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
