They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
