yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
