Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
