New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
