i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
