Soap is not a condiment
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
