smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
