Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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