is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
