'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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