It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
