i barfeds in our rink
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
