This girl is more easily done than said...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
