If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
