i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
