great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
