I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
