i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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