I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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