On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
