DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
