Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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