its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
