Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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