the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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