so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
