I won't be sarcastic... just naked
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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