I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I hope mine doesn't look like that
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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