Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In America we eat man semen.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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