You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
