This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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