people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
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