We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
