alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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