Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
