there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
MIDGETS
????
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
