Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
