none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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