the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
that is very illegal...i love you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
