I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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