All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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