Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wear drunk well.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
