Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
