i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think I am morally bankrupt
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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