Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How does one acquire holy water?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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