I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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