i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
