We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
