Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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