Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
