I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
