I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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