bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?