If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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