he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
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That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.