Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?