Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass

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(858): When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass http://tfl.nu/zzr1

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(404): View more from Georgia

i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before

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(404): i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before http://tfl.nu/o5nm

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me

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(570): I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me http://tfl.nu/l4ts

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(443): View more from Maryland

She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits

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(443): She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits http://tfl.nu/tlq9

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(812): View more from Indiana

These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.

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(812): These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now. http://tfl.nu/s4lf

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(317): View more from Indiana

What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?

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(317): What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/ssbm

Replies (15) Good night (1104) Bad night (4317) Order T-Shirt
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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(724): Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted. http://tfl.nu/tz2e

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(432): View more from Texas

the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel

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(432): the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel http://tfl.nu/t4be

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(410): View more from Maryland

Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.

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(410): Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP. http://tfl.nu/xvnv

Replies (4) Good night (4075) Bad night (1035)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.

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(678): I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though. http://tfl.nu/25nt

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(248): View more from Michigan

So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.

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(248): So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/x1ov

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek

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(864): I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek http://tfl.nu/7b27

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(515): View more from Iowa

I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!

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(515): I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th! http://tfl.nu/5xz8

Replies (0) Good night (959) Bad night (404)
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(650): View more from California

Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens

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(650): Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens http://tfl.nu/mv4i

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(303): View more from Colorado

as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.

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(303): as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking. http://tfl.nu/8b6a

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