her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
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javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.