So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
