Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there