none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
