Do you still have your period?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
