Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
