You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
