then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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