woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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