There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
