Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
