I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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