Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
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I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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