How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
