my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
