he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
