the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
